Lasting
by Sapphire Drizzle
Summary: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" What utter nonsense. Words was all he had.


**A/N:**** Hi guys! Wrote a new story, and I hope you enjoy. Please review! :)**

**EDIT 6/23/13 - Just wanted to rewrite a little, changed a few things drastically because I felt Ed was a little too OOC before, and I added some more to the story as well. It's still the same thing as before, just a bit edited.**

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing.**

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><p>It happened again.<p>

But this time he didn't try to come up with a retort or a snappy remark. He didn't tremble, voice his thoughts, break down, or apologize.

Alphonse Elric didn't attempt to fight back.

There was absolutely no response from the suit of armor, nothing his older brother could try and decipher as stark silence entered the atmosphere, causing the air around them to tense up more than it already was.

No, he simply turned around, shook his head, and stepped out of the room, his thoughts drifting away with him.

Leaving the hospital doors, a bright beam of sunlight bounced off the metal of his armor, gleaming in scattered places on his body. Though the world was filled with many noises, birds chirping, people talking, the only sound Alphonse could hear was the continuous clanking of steel against steel.

The sound he hated so much.

A tall tree stood firmly and reclusively, and the armored boy couldn't help but feel he was similar in some ways, approaching it slowly but lacking the grace this tree had. They weren't the same.

It was a beauty.

He was a freak.

Alphonse crouched down beneath the shade of the tree, not caring how foolish he must have looked to outside eyes. Knees, huddled to his chest, he faced his helmet to the ground beneath him, dragging his gauntlets through the bright green patches of fresh grass that sprouted all over the area. But still, the movements were empty.

Everything was empty now. From behind his glowing red eyes, the flowers seemed to glare up at him mockingly, swaying with the wind as if they were laughing. Laughing at him.

Even so, young boy yearned to feel the softness of it with his own hands, to slip the slender blades of grass and petals between his fingers. He wanted to lie in it, to be lost in a world of his own. To close his eyes and doze off, putting his past to rest for once.

Not in a never-ending nightmare.

This body.

He slowly raised his helmet to the sky, flashing red lights looking directly into the sun's blinding rays. His gaze was steady, there was no need to blink or look away. The sun could not harm him. The sun could not help him.

The sun was nothing to him anymore.

And yet, he wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth of its brilliant radiance once again, rather than to be trapped in his own emptiness.

Where he felt nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

With all of the texture and fragrance and taste and beauty of nature aside, there was one thing the Alphonse craved for the most, one thing that he, a sensitive soul, needed dearly and cherished even when he possessed real skin.

Human touch.

He desperately desired to be able to feel someone again. To grasp their hands, to throw his arms around them and hug them. He wanted someone to hold him, to put a brush their shoulders against his, to pat his head comfortingly.

No, that was wrong. He didn't just want anyone to do all of that.

He wanted to feel his brother again.

Edward Elric was never a touchy person, but in the shadows of his mind, Alphonse remembered each of the times his brother showed he cared for him, not through words, but through his actions. Whether it be a playful slap to the back, a rough half-embrace, or even the rare moments when Edward's fingers would brush against his cheeks, wiping away the tears that fell from Alphonse's eyes each time he cried out for his mother and realized she was not coming back.

Those were the moments Alphonse wished to relive again.

But alas, touch was lost. Verbal communication was the only way somebody could show him that they cared. They couldn't hug him, or hold his hand, or console him with gentle caresses.

He had words. Just words.

Al sighed. It was a hollow sound.

He was tired.

Perhaps not exactly in a physical sense, but mentally…

He was tired.

Of everything.

Heavy footsteps crunching over the crisp grass neared the suit of armor on the ground, and despite himself, Alphonse glanced up anyway only to meet a pair of grief stricken golden eyes staring back. Edward stood before his younger brother firmly, bandages wrapped around his head and waist in various areas, his feet crammed into a pair of ratty old slippers. An expression of solid determination was set in his features but Al knew his brother than that and saw the look of deep regret that leaked through the mask he wore.

But those eyes... Al couldn't stand to look at them anymore, for fear that he would fall apart right there and go crawling back to his older brother. However childish it sounded, he was still angry and seeing those clear honest eyes made his soul feel a pang of guilt for his won actions.

He turned his helmet away.

"You shouldn't have gotten out of bed, Brother. You're still hurt badly," Al muttered, voice dropping so low that it was almost unrecognizable on the usually cheerful boy.

Though Alphonse hadn't seen it, Edward clenched his fist at hearing his brother speak this way, angry or not, still showing concern for his well-being, and simply stood there. It was obvious that he wasn't leaving, the way he made no intent on turning back.

"Al, I'm… sorry."

There was that quiver in his voice, the one Ed tried so hard to keep inside of him, to stay strong, that made the suit of armor raise his helmet and look at him once more. The glowing red lights in the hollows of the helmet dimmed for a moment, Alphonse's way of blinking in surprise. He saw that his older brother's mask had broken just slightly and a sudden urge to jump up and apologize back entered Al's mind.

But, he couldn't.

It simply wasn't enough.

"It's alright."

That unbelievably kind voice replaced the one he wore earlier. It sounded so genuine, so true, so… Alphonse. There wasn't a hint of malice or anger in his voice, just pure forgiveness. Or at least to a stranger's ears.

Ed immediately sensed the lie as soon as his brother uttered the words. The younger Elric was just trying to cover up the truth.

It wasn't _alright._

Hell, nothing was anymore.

"But…" Al began hesitantly, almost sadly as he turned away once more from the boy before him. "…You know that saying Mom taught us when we were younger? Every time we had an argument?"

The minor mention of their mother sent a wave of distress through them both, but the suit of armor continued, regardless.

" 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'?" he murmured, staring at the large leather gauntlets in his lap. "It's just… words are all I have now."

Alphonse didn't want to burden his older brother with his inner thoughts but once he had started speaking, he couldn't stop himself.

"I don't know if I can handle not feeling anything but words anymore, Brother... I... I want to feel again..."

His voice was so meek, barely audible. It was the wind blowing. But Ed heard it as clear as day. A painful lump grew in his throat and he desperately tried to swallow back his emotions. His attempt at a comforting smile ended up into something more twisted and painful.

"You know we'll get our bodies back, Al... Just wait a little longer; you'll see," the elder Elric says a little helplessly, more to himself than to Al.

His younger brother doesn't respond.

"I realize that this sounds stupid..." Alphonse whispers. "But sometimes I wish I could just... I don't know, _escape."_

Edward froze.

"What?"

"I'm awake constantly, Brother, every morning and night, all hours of the day. Every minute passes in total awareness, every minute has passed this way for the last four years," Alphonse tried to stop speaking but it was all coming out in a stream, all of his thoughts, whether he truly believed them or not. "All In total solitude. I can't feel _anything. _I wish I could just shut myself down, take a break, go to sleep..."

He looks back at his trembling older brother with red glowing eyes, his hands grabbing the air around him, his voice small and pained and full of regret for saying what he did just then.

"I want to _die."_

It was like being stabbed in his heart a million times. Edward finally found his voice, as his golden eyes desperately tried to search the non-existent expression on the suit of armor's face.

"Al... Alphonse..." he murmured, sinking slowly to his knees. He was clutching his chest painfully, as if something was clawing its way out of him. "I..."

What happened next surprised the armored boy. Several tears escaped his older brother's eyes before he could stop them and Ed turned away swiftly, wiping them before any more could fall. He choked down a sob and tried to tell himself that he couldn't do this, that he couldn't cry in front of the one person who was unable to do the same, despite how much Al yearned to just break down.

"I..." Edward sniffled, pretending as though his voice wasn't quivering. "I didn't know you felt that way... You never said anything, Al."

Alphonse reached out for the elder Elric, but then his arm stopped halfway, clearly in hesitation. He dropped his gauntlets, too ashamed to look at his older brother and wishing he could just take back everything he said.

"No... No, forget I said anything, Brother."

"Al..."

"I said it was alright."

Edward shifted closer to the younger boy, head lowered, sniffles escaping him, as he slowly wiped his arm across his eyes once more. He looked up at Alphonse like a child looks up at their mother, silently pleading as if asking for permission. When Alphonse made no move to be away from him or look at him, Edward surprised him by putting both arms around his armored torso and leaning his head on his breastplate. His breaths came out in soft quivering gasps and Alphonse noticed how he tried to stop crying and speak clearly.

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Al."

The suit of armor tried to interject. "Brother-"

"It's all my fault. Everything. I'm the one that made us do Human Transmutation. And now… now, you c-can't eat, or, sleep, or cry," Edward stumbled over his apology, pausing to wipe his eyes after every few words. "You... you can't feel the warmth of the sun, or the drops of the rain..."

Alphonse could only watch in stunned silence.

"You don't know how much I just want to hug you sometimes. But, Al… I can't. I can't do that to you. You don't have a body to feel it…"

It was true.

He didn't have a body. He couldn't feel the hug his brother was giving him at that moment.

Nevertheless, with all the energy and courage he could muster, Al brought his gauntlets up, and gently wrapped it around his older brother's small frame. Alphonse pulled the boy close, allowing him to lay his head on his metal shoulders and gently ran his leather fingers down his golden hair, not wanting to accidentally use too much pressure and hurt him. Edward reacted immediately to the suit of armor's touch and moved closer into the embrace, and if Alphonse could, he would have cried and smiled at the same time.

He couldn't feel the hug, but Edward could.

And that was enough.

"Don't say that, Brother…" he murmured, his own voice filled with guilt. "It's not your fault. I'm sorry."

Edward looked up into the armor's gleaming red eyes, wishing he could just pull of that helmet and see his younger brother's real face again. He moved slightly out of the hug as if recollecting himself and once all of the tears were emptied and the ache in his chest dulled, the corners of his mouth twitched up very slightly. It was not a smile but more of a determined grimace, as if he couldn't relax the muscles around his mouth much more to create one.

He lightly punched Alphonse's breastplate with his automail fist.

"I _will_ get your body back, Al. I promise."

Al had to wonder when he said this. Yes, words was all he had, but… Ed's were always so genuine. They were true.

They were _truly true._

And he knew at that moment that he believed in them.

No matter what.

"I know that. But… go inside now, Brother. You shouldn't be out of bed. You'll open your wounds."

That look of worry hadn't vanished from Ed's face just yet and when he tilted his head slightly to look at Al, he saw the elder Elric biting the bottom of his lip in extreme anticipation.

"Hey, Al... Do you really want to die?"

Alphonse stopped still, every part of his armored body motionless. It took him a moment to collect his thoughts before he shook his hands wildly before him and rubbed the back of his helmet, sheepishly, a trait he retained from his times in his real body.

"No, no, I didn't mean that! I guess I just got carried away in the moment..."

Relief became evident in the elder Elric's every feature.

"Good. You scared me."

"I did?"

Edward nodded, lowering his head. "Yeah. You did."

"I'm sorry."

He looked up again, surprised to find his brother apologizing again. After another moment of silence, a silly grin spread across Ed's face as he gently bonked his younger brother on his helmet, earning a confused, "Hey!' from the suit of armor.

"You dummy," he murmured, but his voice was oddly gentle and Al wanted to smile back. "There's nothing to be sorry for. I just wanted to be sure."

"Whatever you say, Brother," Alphonse laughed, and though the sound was tinny and echoing, Edward loved it anyway. "But, please go back inside, now. You need to rest, and—don't interrupt me—restore your energy. The nurse will kill us both if she catches you out here."

His concern made Ed roll his eyes, but he chuckled anyway.

"Fine. But I'm not drinking the milk."

"Oh, come on! It's good for you, and will help you grow bigger!"

"Easy for you to say, Al! You're already so b-"

He stopped himself.

"I mean, I'll… give it a try…"

Yeah. Sure he would.

Al only chuckled at his older brother's antics. Maybe not _all_ his words were genuine…

Soon, the armored boy was alone again, so he sat there, looking far out into the sky, behind the bright, shining sun, and puffy, white clouds. Everything that Ed had said to him, everything that he had promised, made his soul ache with emotions. He clenched his gauntlets into two large fists.

He was tired.

So incredibly tired.

But… He would last.

For Edward Elric.

The one who kept him sane all these years when he thought he was all alone. The one who smiled genuinely up at him, even when he had no face to smile back. The one who claimed the entire burden of that night they equally shared, to himself. The one who promised to get their bodies back, despite what obstacle lay ahead.

The one who loved him, willing to give up anything to make things right.

For him.

Yes, for his brother.

He would last.


End file.
